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#100BlogPosts - Post #4: Lovers and Friends.


     So today one of my Facebook friends shared an article about loving someone you can never be with. It was an interesting read and made me think of a situation that I am in. Not a situation where I am necessarily in love with a person that I can never be with so much so as not even knowing if you and the other person can ever be together. What happens to love deferred? If you click with someone and there's not just the click but also a spark between the two of you but for one reason or another you NEVER even get to go out on a date what happens. I mean I guess in some situations you won't necessarily talk to the person again but in my situation I do still talk to the person. We have a decent enough friendship but a part of me wonders if we're really good friends or are we holding on to this in limbo relationship in hopes that one day our situations will change and we can give it a shot.

     I kind of want to have him court me (although he kind of already has), date me and have us give an entire go at it. Are we actually as compatible as we seem to be? Or would we want to murder each other? I say this because as friends we are very hot and cold, on and off. I know, I know a lot of people will read that and think "Duh, y'all are a hot mess and should just leave it alone" but when were cold and off (tee hee) I often think it's just frustration. I know that I sometimes get so pissed at the entire situation that I'm just like "FUCK YOU" and I don't even want to talk to him. I mean do I really as a friend have to put up with his mood swings and be on his cheering squad and not get any benefits? Dinner and a movie perhaps? That may sound shitty to some of you but I'm just being honest. We're not even 'real' friends either. I can't call him up to vent to him, we don't go to the movies or out for drinks together. It's just so weird...and like I said before; frustrating. 
     I think the reason we don't have a regular friend relationship is because it would very quickly turn to something more. It's like we both know that too much time with the other person would lead to things. Things that we would not be  able to undo. Things that would probably make more than difficult to go back to just being friends. But that's only if we're actually friends to begin with. The verdict is still out. If we are real friends then we are really good friends and should be able to go back to being friends after giving a relationship a good try. Of course it would take time, but I think that we would eventually realize what awesome friends we are and go right back to our regular routine and it would be so much less awkward. 

   It's so weird to me that I've bailed on the friendship before  just so save myself the stress. It's only stressful when I think about it though. I'm pretty good at just handling the surface of issues in my day to day life and only digging deep into them every few months (that's another issue for another time). But you know what they say...what's meant to be will be. I just wish the reason for it all would hurry up and rear it's ugly head so we can deal with it and move on. 

     What do you guys think? Have you been in a similar situation? What did you do? How would you handle this situation?


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