Hey y’all! I really hope that 2016 has been good to you thus far. I haven’t posted in FOREVER. I’ve let time get away from me, but writing is my relaxation and I vow to relax more often. So Anyway – let me jump right into my first post of 2016 and my first post in a looooooong ass time!
So….I have a boo. Yea, yea more on that in a future post. But let me tell you guys dating is already scary but dating with kids is super scary because it’s not just my life that I might be messing up. So I’m not going to sit her and lie and say that I took all of these things into account before I started my current relationship but these things have been on my list of ‘must haves’ for a while. Back up back up, now I haven’t dated in FOREVER! I haven’t been in a relationship since 2003. Listen, believe what I tell you and ignore the fact that I have a 9-year-old son. Ha, that too is yet another post. (He was created in the beginnings of a relationship reboot that didn’t fully reboot due to lies and other shit). Anyway. My last real boyfriend was before that. I consider a boyfriend to be someone you deal with exclusively, they spend the night, y’all go out together, blah blah blah.
Now, I have not been void of ‘company’ that entire time. I had my fun. Boos-a-plenty but I was never emotionally or mentally attached to any of these people for 2 reasons: 1. I wasn’t ready for a relationship and I didn’t feel like my kids were ready for a relationship. I felt like I wanted them to have a solid relationship with their father before I introduce a potential step-father. 2. I had a boo who wasn’t really a boo so I had some emotional detachment issues going on. Anyway, back to the present; I have a boo. And it’s moving along quite nicely. I met him at a wedding, he was my escort down the aisle. He was completely nuts and so not my type but you have to know me to know that I don’t really have a type.
Anyway – I will go further into my adventures with boo at a later time but for right now let’s get into this list.
1. Are my kids ready for this? I decided that yes, they would be. They were 8 and 14 when this relationship started and I decided that they understood the need for me to have someone to spend my time with other than them and I was right. He met them sooner than I would have liked but he was introduced as just my friend and they like him well enough. We’ve been talking for about 6 months (officially a couple for a little over 4) so it’s not like he’s about to move in and they have to call him dad.
2. Am I ready for this? YES I was. I’m such a loving person and I wanted this part of my life to not necessarily be complete but at least exist.
3. Is he a good role model for my kids? He’s not the guy I thought I needed but I’m very proud of the man that he is and for many reasons he is one of the examples that I would like for my kids to see. Black men have it rough and he’s coming out of a rough patch and I think that’s good for them to see.
4. Is the relationship a good model for my kids? Again, right now I think so. We have fun together. He does for me and I do for him and my kids get to see that. He’s very kind to me when they are around and when the youngest one didn’t seem to really be feeling him he did a very good job of making him feel more comfortable by expressing his feelings and intentions with me. He did this with my son. Not my dad, not my brother or an uncle so I felt like that was a good sign.
Now, even with all of that I’m still very cautious. He doesn’t have kids so he doesn’t always understand when I’m not available. But I’m trying not to get ahead of myself and take this thing a day at a time.
What do you guys think? Are you dating with kids? What do you have on your list? What advice can you give me?