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Weight Loss Woes

My weight has been a constant struggle for me since.....well since forever. I have been a chubster from the very beginning for one reason or another. In the African American community chunky babies are cute right? Then as a youngster I had the fortunate misfortune of being raised by a woman who can burn in the kitchen (Love ya Pegs)! I managed to lose weight a few times in my life. I've seen pictures of me as a kid (maybe 2nd grade or so) when I was average kid size. That had to be from the running around during recess exercise regime. By the 4th grade though I didn't go to a school that enforced physical activity and I hung out with a group of nerds (the Alpha kids) who preferred talking over playing during recess. During middle school I was able to maintain a thickness about myself by living a life filled with my mom's good cooking, not eating lunch and walking what seemed like 5 miles (but was probably only a quarter of a mile at  best) to and from the bus stop stationed at the front/bottom of the projects. While it may not have been as far as it felt there was a hill involved. Of course this thickness was happening in 1992 - 1993 before video models had made thick popular and being thick only meant that while I was not knocking on the door of fat I was definitely circling the block.

Add to this the fact that I had become terribly shy (probably do to the fact that while other girls my age were still shopping in the little girls department, I had long ago been forced by my pudginess to shop for clothes from the women's department which never fit right and were never as cool as what was in the girls' section - again this was early-mid 90's; way before you could see the exact same skinny jeans in girl's, juniors, misses, women's, plus size and not to mention boys and men's).

In high school I was a size 12/14 and while I wasn't the skinniest I carried my weight well (translation: I had boobs; huge ones). Back then, I thought I was fat (my friends were all 8s or smaller). Today I would give a leg (the remaining one would be big enough to fashion into two) to be that size again.

Since 1998, I have been in constant battle to lose weight; granted most of these battles have been half hearted and I've lost them all. After graduation I enrolled in cosmetology school which required little physical effort and involved many trips to the lounge vending machines due to sheer boredom. From there as a beginning beautician I spent hours in the shop and only took quick trips to get fast food for fear of missing a potential life long client. My other job as a library page (shelving books in the reference department had to help me burn MAD calories) had allowed me to be promoted to a library assistant  which didn't require as much, if any, physical activity. Then at 20 I became pregnant with my oldest son and used this as an excuse to eat any and EVERY thing I'd ever dreamed about. The damage here would have been worse had I not been diagnosed with gestational diabetes and was placed on a strict diet mid pregnancy that I for the most part followed. But gestational diabetes also causes you to gain more weight during pregnancy than normal.

After give birth to Terius, I suffered from a mild case of depression which had more to do with my relationship with his father rather than postpartum. I not only didn't lose the baby weight I also gained weight after birth due to poor eating and exercise habits. There was a year or so, when my son was 2ish maybe 3 that I did lose weight due to the fact that I lived in  a town house (stairs + paying my own bills (barely affording groceries - my mom's cooking = weight loss) , worked 2 jobs and went clubbing a lot with my girls.

By the time my oldest turned 5 I was preggers again (with Aaron) and back living with my mom (YUM). During my second pregnancy I was also diagnosed with gestational diabetes but I foolishly didn't follow a gestational diabetes diet and packed on the pounds. By the time that bun was done I looked like the Michelin tire man (but still cute because I'm still a diva)!

Since then, various struggles in my life (maybe I'll detail them later) have caused me to level out at a gross gross amount of poundage. Evaluating my life, I know what excuses I have for GAINING weight. Now I just have to figure out what's stopping me from LOSING.

See photos of me throughout the years.

What is your cause for weight loss? What has helped you lose? What struggles did you have to overcome to finally be successful?



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