Skip to main content

Dating as a Single Parent

I'm single, I know. So as I write this post please know that I know that things happen and we never 'really' know what we'd do in certain situations until we are, of course, placed in those situations. Also, if you are a friend, relative, or someone who knows me and you feel some kind a way about this post rest assured I'm not talking about you. My posts are always about me, my life, my viewpoints. Now, you may be indeed a part of my life which means you have some amount of influence as to the things  I've seen, heard and know about but trust and believe you alone have not been the inspiration for the post. But I wouldn't be me if I didn't add that you you're feeling some kind of way about what I'm about to say then maybe you need to evaluate your life and your priorities.

Shall we continue?

Now, as I was saying I am single. I've been a parent for 12 years now and as I look by I've been single the majority of that time. When I gripe about this fact my friends sometimes tell me that it's been by choice, but I beg to differ. I mean I'm not saying that it's been by force. No one's forcing me to be single but I sometimes feel like it's a combination of force and choice. I chose not to be in a long term committed relationship with a loser and since the world or at least my readily available dating pool seems to be mostly composed of losers I am forced to be single.

Anyway, having not ever been in the situation of choosing between a partner with whom I am in a committed, hey this might be going somewhere relationship with and my kids I would like to think that if ever I were in such a situation I would know how to balance my romantic life and my mothering duties the right way. In my opinion, I don't think I will ever even find myself in that situation. My kids mean a lot to me and if I were in a committed relationship with someone, it could only be a person who has readily accepted my children and would never put me in a situation where I had to choose between raising them properly and spending time with him. In the beginning I know I would have to figure out a way to spend time with him and get to know him so that I feel comfortable introducing him to my boys. That's why I would expect him to understand that lunch dates will be important, phone calls, emails, late night movie watching (at my place, after the boys are asleep) and that any weekend time or week nights I have child free will have too be utilized to the fullest.

At some point, spending time with me will mean spending time with them. Bottom line. If you don't like having kids around then guess what? I don't like having you around. I understand and am fully prepared to handle the fact that any couple  with kids, married or dating, have to have alone time regularly, but if you're so in love with me that you want to see my face often then you're going to be see all 3 of these little round brown faces. Dating to me is practice for marriage. When dating, once I realize that a person is not the type of person I can be with long term I stop dating them. I would never continue a long term dating situation with someone that doesn't seem to want the same things that I want or like the same things that I like or who can't practice the same family values that I practice. Basically, I'm trying to understand why a man or a woman who doesn't want children would be in a relationship with someone who wants or ALREADY HAS children? What? Do you plan on just dating me until the move out of the house and go on to college? Sorry negro - you can get to stepping. This package comes with two handsome, intelligent, fun-loving accessories. Take it or leave it, no mixing or matching.

And if this is the reason I'm still single - so be it. I'd rather be single over being a negligent parent any day.

What are your thoughts? How do you balance your love life (with a husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend) with being a good parent? Talk to me. I want to know.

Also, if you read this blog - subscribe to - join - follow and comment on this blog.


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

BOOK REVIEW: "I Almost Forgot About You" by Terry McMillan

While I'm not a Terry McMillan fanatic, I do usually enjoy her books. This title was hard to read and confusing from the very beginning. I understand that Georgia is on a mission to find herself but the books is long and gets boring often. Plus there are way too many characters to keep up with. I will still pick up a Terry McMillan book in the future but I do not recommend this book.



BOOK REVIEW: Habit Changers by M.J. Ryan

I really enjoyed reading this book. Habit changing is one of things I've focused on in my 30s as I try to make changes in my life that will make me a better person. This book makes habit changing actually seem doable. I have learned how to reach my goals by breaking things down and doing it in a way that makes it easier and more likely for me to accomplish. I recommend this book to anyone looking to make positive changes in their life.


Here's two links to purchase the book.


http://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/539175/habit-changers-by-m-j-ryan/9780451495402/


https://www.amazon.com/Habit-Changers-Game-Changing-Mantras-Mindfully/dp/0451495403/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1493576449&sr=8-1&keywords=Habit+Changers#customerReviews


Do you have any tips for effectively changing habits?


Random Thoughts: Social Media Lies

Here are three random thoughts that are loosely related: 
Lying on social media should be considered a crime. You're on here making folks feel inferior; wishing their lives were as 'exciting' as yours when what you're presenting is only part of the story and sometimes it's just the part you made up. Some one recently commented on one of my photos "who does your hair because it looks good one every photo" Now, is my hair ALWAYS done? Hell nawl...but I aint taking and posting pictures when it's not. One of my recent boyfriend is all over social media with his new girlfriend. If I think about it long enough my feelings are a little hurt because one of the main things we constantly bumped heads about was social media...him flirting with other girls, we weren't friends on FB and I can't remember him EVER mentioning me or our relationship on social media. But here's the thing, despite him publicly showing how in love he is with this girl he is …