I'm single, I know. So as I write this post please know that I know that things happen and we never 'really' know what we'd do in certain situations until we are, of course, placed in those situations. Also, if you are a friend, relative, or someone who knows me and you feel some kind a way about this post rest assured I'm not talking about you. My posts are always about me, my life, my viewpoints. Now, you may be indeed a part of my life which means you have some amount of influence as to the things I've seen, heard and know about but trust and believe you alone have not been the inspiration for the post. But I wouldn't be me if I didn't add that you you're feeling some kind of way about what I'm about to say then maybe you need to evaluate your life and your priorities.
Shall we continue?
Now, as I was saying I am single. I've been a parent for 12 years now and as I look by I've been single the majority of that time. When I gripe about this fact my friends sometimes tell me that it's been by choice, but I beg to differ. I mean I'm not saying that it's been by force. No one's forcing me to be single but I sometimes feel like it's a combination of force and choice. I chose not to be in a long term committed relationship with a loser and since the world or at least my readily available dating pool seems to be mostly composed of losers I am forced to be single.
Anyway, having not ever been in the situation of choosing between a partner with whom I am in a committed, hey this might be going somewhere relationship with and my kids I would like to think that if ever I were in such a situation I would know how to balance my romantic life and my mothering duties the right way. In my opinion, I don't think I will ever even find myself in that situation. My kids mean a lot to me and if I were in a committed relationship with someone, it could only be a person who has readily accepted my children and would never put me in a situation where I had to choose between raising them properly and spending time with him. In the beginning I know I would have to figure out a way to spend time with him and get to know him so that I feel comfortable introducing him to my boys. That's why I would expect him to understand that lunch dates will be important, phone calls, emails, late night movie watching (at my place, after the boys are asleep) and that any weekend time or week nights I have child free will have too be utilized to the fullest.
At some point, spending time with me will mean spending time with them. Bottom line. If you don't like having kids around then guess what? I don't like having you around. I understand and am fully prepared to handle the fact that any couple with kids, married or dating, have to have alone time regularly, but if you're so in love with me that you want to see my face often then you're going to be see all 3 of these little round brown faces. Dating to me is practice for marriage. When dating, once I realize that a person is not the type of person I can be with long term I stop dating them. I would never continue a long term dating situation with someone that doesn't seem to want the same things that I want or like the same things that I like or who can't practice the same family values that I practice. Basically, I'm trying to understand why a man or a woman who doesn't want children would be in a relationship with someone who wants or ALREADY HAS children? What? Do you plan on just dating me until the move out of the house and go on to college? Sorry negro - you can get to stepping. This package comes with two handsome, intelligent, fun-loving accessories. Take it or leave it, no mixing or matching.
And if this is the reason I'm still single - so be it. I'd rather be single over being a negligent parent any day.
What are your thoughts? How do you balance your love life (with a husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend) with being a good parent? Talk to me. I want to know.
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