Skip to main content

Woe Is Me...

     I'm sitting at work, well after quitting time thinking about what a disaster 2012 has been. When I wrote this post at the beginning of the year I was beyond optimistic about what 2012 would mean for me. I had my goals, I laid them out for you guys and then things fell to shit. Basically. In a nut shell. I'd actually been put into a quite shitty situation a few months before that and yet I remained optimistic. I 2012 I was homeless (only a slight exaggeration here), car-less  fat, nappy headed, single , broke, depressed, moody, bitchy, thought about becoming jobless and 147% motivation-less  Hotmess.GOV (so you know it's real). My spirit was broken, thus I was broken. I can't really pinpoint what it was that made me that way.

     Not knowing how I got to be so UUUUUUGGGGH on made it worse because I am a person who NEEDS to know things, with no regards to how trivial, irrelevant or like this question important to my life they may seem (Why you talking to that loser? Why did she wear that shirt? Why did you think we would make a cute couple? Why yo cousin go to jail? Why don't you like cheese?)

      I attribute it to a lot of wickedly evil shit happening to me in 2011 which boiled over to 2012 and the not so positive things that happened to me then. In 2011,a loss someone who I once considered to be a really close ally. No they didn't die, but I could no longer communicate with this person who had gotten me to open up about things that no one else had.  I can't say the end of the friendship as abrupt or anything - I think I always knew it wasn't something that would last. But I hoped against odds that everything bad about ( and it was bad) would someone turn out to be good. Like when people sell drugs, become rappers, then record label execs who give back to the hood ten fold (ala Jay-Z). 

     Any-who the demise of that hot mess train wreck left me questioning the person that I really was because wanted hat person to continue to be my friend made me feel like a bad person so I taught myself to hate them which also made me a bad person. So all of this had me second guessing the kind of person I am. Would I really want several people to be unhappy just so I can be happy? Don't worry - I am now convinced that I am indeed a good person who for some reason made a few not so good decisions based on information that was given to me that may or may not have been true.

     2011 also brought along the great townhouse debacle in which I kinda, sorta HAD to move from my happy home and live with others. I liked my little apartment and I guess if my boys had not already been living in Texas, I would have fought a little harder but at the time I had no fight so I moved and went about things the legal way. And though it took almost a year - that hot mess is behind me and I have gracious and loving friends and family so even when I didn't have a 'home'; I've always felt at home. And it's true that everything happens for a reason and I believe my added presence in these people's lives and homes not only helped me but helped them also.

     Then in February my little brother was driving my car and got into an accident that cause damage that was halfway between minor and major. There were issues with insurance and the tow/storage yard and a repair shop. I finally got that situation almost settled so I'm feeling better about that. It's been not only hard but impossible to get a new car while paying for an old unusable piece of crap.
     At one point I thought skipping town would have been the best solution but my job keeps me here. I LOVE it!.

     Anyway - I  wrote this post for several reasons:

1. To prep you ninjas for when I bust out my 2013 goals list.
2. To remind myself that there is always a silver lining
3. Because I need to write in this damn blog.

Oh, it's okay if you laughed at my trails and tribulations  I want you to laugh.  I hope someone who has been in or is in a similar situation runs across this post and realizes that it'll be alright. Things will get better and they could always be worse. I know that although 2012 has been tough, there's someone somewhere looking at my life and wanting to trade.

So share with me, have you been through a tough time? How do you maintain?

Peace and Love good people.



Popular posts from this blog

10 Things That Make Me Happy

In an effort to write more and post more on my blog (once again) I am going to start sharing writing prompts on my Facebook page. I'm sharing them with my friends because I truly believe in the calming power of writing and if I can encourage just one person to write then I've done my job. So here you have it' 10 Things That Make Me Happy: In No Particular Order 

Motherhood. Without out a single ounce of exaggeration, I live for my kids. I am consistently plagued with feelings of loathing and self doubt but I know that I brought these little people into the world and that I'm responsible for them. Because I feel that I have the responsibility to put on a brave face for so many other people no one will every fully understand the demons I fight on a regular basis. My children are my protectors. If it weren't for them I would have lost my battle to at least one a long time ago. 

Creating. Ya'll know I love to craft. My love for craft gives me a sense of accomplishmen…

2 New Weight Loss Tips

So, I recently started using to new nutrient based things to help me in my weight loss journey. I haven't really been taking them long enough to give you guys any final results but I would like to go ahead and let you know what they are and how I fell about them so far. I've been taking them for a week now.

The first is Gymnema Sylvestre and it is a natural herb that helps regulate blood sugar and curbs your cravings for sugar. Now, I am a sugar addict! I mean if I had my way I'd have a pastry (or 2) for breakfast, something sweet for lunch and something sweet with dinner not to mention juices and sugar based snacks throughout the day. I mean I've got it bad.

Now I'm starting to think the Gymnema Sylvestre is working because I purchased a bundtlet from Nothing Bundt Cakes Tuesday and it is DELICIOUS...but I've only managed to eat a third of it. I've had it for 2 days already. NO WAY IN HELL is this normal for me! So I think this one is working.

You can pur…

Random Thoughts: Social Media Lies

Here are three random thoughts that are loosely related: 
Lying on social media should be considered a crime. You're on here making folks feel inferior; wishing their lives were as 'exciting' as yours when what you're presenting is only part of the story and sometimes it's just the part you made up. Some one recently commented on one of my photos "who does your hair because it looks good one every photo" Now, is my hair ALWAYS done? Hell nawl...but I aint taking and posting pictures when it's not. One of my recent boyfriend is all over social media with his new girlfriend. If I think about it long enough my feelings are a little hurt because one of the main things we constantly bumped heads about was social media...him flirting with other girls, we weren't friends on FB and I can't remember him EVER mentioning me or our relationship on social media. But here's the thing, despite him publicly showing how in love he is with this girl he is …